Umma appears in only five episodes in series two but is, in my opinion, one of the best characters from the entire three series. This page is to celebrate some of Umma's weird sayings, affectionately named Umma-isms! Some of these can be found on the Audio Clips page to listen to.

From Episode One

(When Colin drops his book by the newsagent)
'Youíve dropped your book; constant dropping wears away the stone so they do say.'

(When first meeting Colin & Franny in the shop, Franny says the door is locked)
'When one door shuts, another opens'
'Must get in, must get out, out of sight, out of mind.'

(Talking to Colin and Franny)
'Wanna cuppa? Itís already made Iíve only got to pour it as the good lord says looking down from the sky with a bucket of rain.'
'Up and down like a see-saw thatís me, never know where I am.'

(on cleaning the bicycle)
'Making it spick and span, ship-shape and Bristol fashion, if you know what I mean'

(When Umma introduces herself to Colin & Franny)
'Too much chatter makes the teeth fall out'

From Episode Three

(When talking with Tripe)
'Compliments is as compliments was'
'Mysteries come and mysteries go but I go on forever.'

From Episode Seven

(When Franny tries to get in the Wooden Kamel)
'Come into my parlour said the spider to the fly'
'Ask no questions hear no lies'
'Better safe than sorry'

(When Franny tells Umma Colin is playing spies somewhere)
'Mince pies and custard'

(When Franny asks Umma where Hellman is?)
'As long from here to there, Mr Hellman never tells me where heís going or when heíll be back. He might be a hour, he might be a day, he might be a very long time away.'
'A friend in need is a friend indeed.'

(Umma explains the Policeman sits and listens to the radio all day)
'East, West, home is best, and an Englishmanís home is his castle.'

(when Franny Ďshiversí when Colin is hiding in the cupboard)
'Cold hands, warm heart, youíll feel better with a cup of tea.'
'Iíll get the biscuits; I left them in the shop. Silly as a wheel sometimes, thatís me.'

(after fetching the biscuits)
'Large as life and twice as sweet.'

(after Colin emerges from the cupboard after sneaking in the shop)
'Sneaky boys are made of jelly, their hands are wet and their feet are smelly.'

(when Colin says Umma was on strike after Hellman and Tripe were fighting)
'Strike while the irons hot.'

(When Hellman phones and Umma finishes the call)
'In a while crocodile'

(On Colin mentioning his library book)
'Jim Glue Super Spy that one? They ought to stick together Jim Glue and James Bond.'

(Umma talking to Nyegel about the map)
'Nobody canít have what nobodies got.'

From Episode Eight

(When Hellman asks Umma why she did not give him Tripeís message)
'I clean forgot Mr Hellman, in one ear and out the other. It happens to a lot of cleaning ladies they get so used to cleaning they clean forget'
'The longer I have things the cleaner I forget them.'
'Truth Will Out'